We all have them. Mine are biting my nails and drinking out of shared bottles or cartons. Flaws I have are being too defensive, interrupting people and assuming the worst.
However, living with a partners bad habits and flaws takes a lot of doing sometimes. Case in point – my partner of almost ten years loves playing a game called Pro Evolution Soccer. It’s something he has always enjoyed. He also loves to watch Wrestling. These are two things I am not particularly interested in, so he does this on his own, it’s his thing. Awesome. The problems arise when he does these things ALL THE TIME at the expense of more important things. I am not talking about a couple of hours. I am talking all fucking day. And this while I am sick. Like having a bad fucking day. I really want to break the game AND the computer, but he’d feel so betrayed and might never forgive me. For reals. I think he prefers the game and youtube videos over me sometimes. And sometimes I do not blame him.
Right now I just kinda wanna curl up and cry because I need stuff and I don’t want to nag but also I cannot help but feel let down and angry. It’s been four hours now and he forgot to do things for me already and there is a towel stinking out the bathroom because I messed up and flooded the floor, the kitchen needs cleaning, hoovering needs doing, the laundry is taking over the hallway and we have no proper food in the house. I get that he’s not played it for years but that doesn’t mean he can just forget about me, right? I feel both neglected and like a stupid woman who should be able to look after her damned self! It is times like these that I feel the most lacking in independence and it really, really hurts. I can’t even say this to him because he’ll look at me like I am torturing him and give me that, “What did I do now?” face. Like I am asking him to cut off his own arm just so he gives me my pills on time. I don’t want him to do any of it begrudgingly and if I see a whiff of him being a bitch about any of it I am gonna tell him to fuck off and get out. I am so not having this fight.
What the fuck am I going to do if I need a catheter? I am afraid about it because of him, not because of the procedure. I just am not confident he can handle looking after me anymore…
This went from bad habits to having a bad day, either way both are fucked up and fucking me up.