Perhaps some time in the coming months I’ll edit in a scan picture of my wrists. My right has joint problems that will 95% need surgery and my left has inflamed tendons (the worst of it on my wrist but the damage goes up my forearm too). I’m supposed to be coming down from the tramadol in lieu of pregnancy but at this rate I’ll be howling in pain 24/7, which sucks.
The pain got too much last week. I had a bit of a meltdown, so tired from lack of sleep these past months and right in the middle of a period (heralding another failure to conceive) meaning I’d not be pregnant before my 37th birthday. Needless to say I was low, low, low and in the end realised I could not continue as I was.
The typing I do for my hobbies is extensive. With the coding and photoshop work on top of actual posting to threads it was becoming too much, it was too much in fact and had been since my relapse in January. I was just in denial. I didn’t want it to come to an end because that meant I’d never admin another site again. I’d never be involved in the hobby on such a grand scale. Never be a plot runner or rally the troops, would never be a part of a larger community of RPers. It was a lot to come to terms with and it still is, but the bottom line was that I was not willing to lose the friends I’d made because I was too stubborn to just admit defeat.
So here I am, dehydrated from all the crying and I know there will be more to come. Yet I still have my friends, gdocs for those who I know have the patience for me and want to continue the characters we love 1×1, and I still have tabletop and the art I have and will continue to buy. I have Patreon to look forward to and my PhD as well as presenting at a conference this Winter (I hope, as long as my research is good!). So it’s the and of an era and the beginning of a new adventure…
Hopefully a new home, new dog and baby on the horizon.
The Story Arc. The Plot Arc. Whatever you want to call it, it’s pretty damned awesome when your collaborative writing team completes one of your arcs. After all the planning, tweaking and coercing you come to the exciting point where your story unfolds and plot twists happen… and I am oddly feeling rather happy! Like, it’s not an anti climax. I was totally expecting an anti climax! Yet here I am, still plotting and excited about the story and so are my writing buddies!
I really do love my buddies, so a shout out to all you awesome writers whom I write with – you are awesome!
Going forward into university it is possible I might be using voice recognition software to dictate my essays and notes. What I will also use this for is my writing. I think that with this software I can do more writing then ever before, thus I am aim to do the following:
- RP posts at Revolutions
- RP posts in 1×1’s elsewhere (like gdocs)
- Lore for Thedas
- Blog posts
- Fanfic Series (Cullen one for tumblr)
- Short Stories (writing and editing the ones for Eriad)
- “Justine” erotic fiction novel
- Other solo writing projects
- Maybe NaNo
And yes, I am going to be dictating smut, which should be super fun! I wonder if Simon hears? 😛
- Other Hobbies
- BEST Friends
How do we balance this stuff with our RP hobby? I am not saying I know the answer, I took TWO YEARS out between 2009-2011 while I finished my 2nd and 3rd years of my psychology degree. However, since getting ill I’ve come to realise how important this balance is. How this hobby has served as an amazing and wonderful distraction from daily pain and other symptoms. It’s always been something that gives me an outlet for my emotions too. In psychology this is called “sublimation“, where we displace harmful psychological emotions etc into art, science, and anything culturally creative and progressive.
Balancing our lives is important, and our hobbies are an important part of this balancing act and are too often shoved aside or to the back of the pile when they need to sometimes be front and centre.
A schedule for RPing can be a good thing, but if you have writers block or are just not feeling it, just log on for 30 minutes and read, or reply OOCly, be engaged. Go to the first thing you have a desire for, the first thread that draws you in. 😀
So in conclusion: we all struggle with balance, but it is the pursuit of this that gets us the closest. Sublimation = happier mind and soul.
[post adapted from my Revolutions blog]
This, I think, is a warning to hobby writers about whom you write with, where you publish, and why you write what you write.
Do be outraged about certain subjects being written in an insensitive and titillating way, but do not act out because you felt censored and judged when you did a worse crime.
Be careful about those you trust with your ideas and try and be sure of their motivations and reasons for collaborating with you. Mostly you’ll come across bastards who are hypocrites and bitches who whine about restraints. Stick to your guns and make sure that your reasons for writing what you write are positive and worthy.
Publish in places you feel represent your values.
Don’t be bullied into writing something you do not want to write.
I was once at a site where the admin banned any negativity in their out of character sections and chatbox. Admittedly there had been some oversharing but this admin, in response to others voicing some negative things that had happened in their “real life” demanded that all members show nothing but happiness when in ooc areas. And I don’t just mean positive, I mean happy, chirpy, sunshine coming out of your ass happiness. Needless to say my brand of sarcasm was out of the door.
This kind of rule on sites is misplaced and ill judged. For unless a user breaks site rules, like those regarding common courtesy, a “no negativity” rule is entirely redundant. People kill the conversation all the time with negativity, that is actually part of a unique community, its quirks, its ups and downs. You cannot moderate “happiness” as much as you may try, people are people.
It is a waste of time trying to moderate moods, be it in the cbox or any OOC space. You create a positive atmosphere by being positive and productive. In my experience people who bring positive energy are just as effective as those who bring negative, so if your site has 1 Neg and 10 Positivo’s then the +’s outshine the -‘s every damned time. No need for rules
As with online communities this is also true of life – positivity breeds positivity.
The reason I’ve not blogged on this particularly blog for a couple of months is because of the Chronicles of Thedas project. We finally upgraded the RPG forum to IPS hosting and IPS4 and launched the fanfic and fanforum for the fansite. Dragon Age takes up much of my online time and I love it! Now that these elements are completed we can now focus on the most important thing – the content.
For me this involves more RPing and writing blogs which is my first love when it comes to online writing. This freed up time is expanded too because the backend maintenance is performed by A Small Orange and IPS. We are paying for a premium service, this is how much we want to focus on content!
The most exciting thing about the upgrade to the rpg forums for most members has to be the new account management system. We commissioned an IPS developer to create a new system and an upgrade sequence from the old one. As much as the old one was good for us at the time the failure of the old dev to upgrade was not acceptable. There was also a lack of support for bugs despite us offering to pay for it, so we took our money to a professional. A word to the wise, don’t trust amateurs with something you’ve invested a lot of time and money in!
I always have loads of writing projects, but during the Dec-Jan hiatus I’ve found renewed impetus for them all.
- CoT site – this includes the webzine, rpg forum, art gallery, fanfic site, wiki (for the rpg), guidebook (for the rpg) and new rpgs. Upgrades and launches for these things
- Personal site – clairebfield.uk
- NaNo novel – the 2015 one. Finish it, edit it, get a hardcopy for fun.
- Fantasy world short stories – finish them.
- Smut novels and more smut things.
Those are the most important of the old projects, and new projects have to wait a little – though I am making notes for things all the time!
It’s freaking difficult finishing anything, hence why I have RPing. Though recently there have been a batch of people bailing making me hanker for just Simon and those close friends who have stuck around to write awesome things with me. Am kinda tired of people leaving me in the lurch – whatever their reasons, I understand life is shit, that doesn’t change the fact that they are gone and I am left with unfinished work. Sad, but true. Positive thing is I have more time for CoT site things, like working on the upgrade.
The longest place name in the UK (specifically Wales) is:
It’s meaning is:
“Saint Mary’s Church in a hollow of white hazel near the swirling whirlpool of the church of Saint Tysilio with a red cave.”
This is my inspiration for the way the Avvar name things. 😛