We live in the 21st Century, right? So why do I sometimes feel we are still in the dark ages when it comes to sex? One particular subject I have researched (for smut writing reasons!) is the female ejaculation. Oddly enough I did not just assume that all women would have the same experience as me, so while I may have a wet experience others may vary.
I found some awesome blogs on this topic, but mostly there was so much misinformation between articles that I got very frustrated. Beyond that though was the overt sexual oppression on the subject. It is often seen and spoken about in a derogatory fashion, so many linking it to porn (which is “squirting” or “gushing” by the way and not the same as female ejaculation at all!) and women seem to be afraid of it, or see it as “dirty”. Many men also seem to reinforce or push this agenda. Now I am not saying that experiencing this is the be all and end all but the fact of the matter is – is it ties into how the female is explored during sex, and that because of sexual oppression and repression we A/ don’t have the right information and B/ get shamed into ignorance. Thus women don’t even try to see what their body’s limitations are or be educated on the matter in the first place!
So I am blogging to try and get over those hurdles and address some of these fallacies to try and help other women explore their sexuality in the best ways possible. To reiterate – the female ejaculation is not the holy grail, it is more like the bonus ball on the lottery.
First of all, not every woman is capable of this – it is physiologically inpossible for a start. It not something that everyone can be educated into doing either. Neither is it something you can do on command; you need to be relaxed, with a trusted partner who knows your vagina well and be physiologically able. What you see in porn ain’t the truth – it is faked most if not all of the time.
The actual female ejaculation does vary, but in my experience you should be prepared and have a waterproof sheet protecting the mattress. It is less of a squirt and more of a (steady) trickle, and the amount varies between times as well as between women. Also, it is not the g-spot that elicits this ejaculation neccessarily. I find that it can be different things that can do it, but generally the area in and around my g-spot initiates it.
A “wet orgasm” is also not the ultimate and must have experience of sex. Ejaculation is not synonymous with orgasm, you do not need to have one to experience the other. Learn more about tantric sex and experiment with your partner in order to achieve the mamixum enjoyment from sex. He or she will elicit so many different reactions by exploring and the better they know your body the better each experience will be.
There is nothing wrong with preferences and nothing wrong with new sensations. There is no reason to be afraid or ashamed, it’s perfectly normal and your body is an amazing thing. Take it from someone with nerve problems (auotimmune disease to be specific); you’ll regret taking your sensations for granted.
Be happy with your body and confident in sex.
Too often we let society, our partners or ourselves make us feel shame about sex or our bodies – orgasm, ejaulation and everything else is perfectly normal – just because only 20% report they have definitely experienced female ejaculation does not mean this is the average. So many women do not even know what it is and the rest seem too afraid and ashamed to even try (if your boyfriend – because let’s face it your girlfriend is going to be slightly more understanding, isn’t she?! – tells you it’s you peeing or something else that makes you feel ashamed link him to this blog! Then dump him? No, I am joking, just communicate and educate :P).
So, in conclusion:
- It is not urine. What little scientific research there is posits that it’s the Paraurethral/Skene’s gland that creates the fluid, and that this acts as the female prostate gland.
- About 1 in 5 (ranges from 6% – 60% in studies!) actually experience a “wet orgasm”.
- Not every woman can learn.
- For those that do have it, it varies from woman to woman – gosh, woman are individuals!
- It is not the “ultimate orgasm” it is simply different. Wet and dry orgasms can be equally pleasureable.