Or perhaps just a shift in perspective? Either way I find myself handle stress a lot more easily. Physically I am not as great with it, but mentally, I feel like a different person. It is strange, I seem to need adversity to be happy. Now I have it for the rest of my life. I hate to say it, but it is a blessing in disguise.
It is an odd question, I get that, but can your mind be both insanely happy about life and entirely saddened by it? By the same things? I find it a bit odd when I feel this way but I suppose it is realistic? Neither one nor the other takes the edge off, I feel the extremes equally, I am just confused about it is all.
Recently I had a rather nasty experience regarding activity and my health. For ten years I have been a Constant RPer and have been a rapid replier for much of that time. During my degree I took two years off the hobby (all hobbies in fact) to ensure the best classification possible as well as being very ill during my last two years. Until last year I had been greeted with patience, understanding and even latitude (though I do not expect that!) and I always always always keep people in the loop and really do not post for more than a couple of weeks.
Anyhoo, last year, as I say, this patience evaporated and I am curious as to why some sites or RPers have so little patience? I am very ill but even then I am not leaving people hanging, so I am confused as to if this is a recent change in RP culture or if I just stumbled upon a rotten core?
I am wary now to mention my health and I feel I cannot join new sites because of the fear that I might inadvertently anger someone because when asked, “How are you today?” I say, “Went to hospital, all is well it seems. *thumbs up* <– this is whining apparently. Mentioning RL and real problems is against the rules of the internet.
I love pointing out ironies.
And also, paranoid little biznitches.
I really do not want to know what you are writing. I barely wanted to read it the first time around. And before I am accused of “stealing your precious work” let me say this – I wouldn’t bother. You are barely worth the time it took to delete that file and write this blog.
I am not bitter at all. Ok, maybe a little bit. Less now that I have written this.
How many times in life does someone vulnerable suffer because of this?
How many times have you been impacted negatively because of this?
How many more times must it happen before these errors are corrected?
We live in a wealthy country with inordinate amounts of expendable income yet in the UK 17% of UK children (which is 2.3 million!) live in poverty. 27% do once housing costs are paid. 2/3’s of these children live in households where one or BOTH parents work. 1.9 million pensioners are living in poverty too.
I won’t rant about statistics, we know how they can be fixed and let’s face it, there is a lot of “human error” here too.
I just wanted to go on record by saying that human error is not always human error. Most of the time it is a result of apathy, belligerence, slothfulness and cutting corners.
In December my neurologist diagnosed me with clinically isolated syndrome and told me that she was going to keep “a close eye on me” and that I needed to report any new symptoms to my GP. The episodes I had experienced the year before and in the previous summer were most likely neurological episodes and they think my symptoms might be caused by MS.
So, I was looking at April for my next neurologist appointment and hoping to get there without having to see her sooner. However, my swallowing was getting harder and my legs were getting number and the tingling had returned. I have been referred to an ear, nose and throat specialist – so not too bad.
Then last week things got worse. The past week I have been having horrendous tooth pain, and I thought at first it was toothache. Then I thought it was menstrual cycle induced tooth pain (it has happened before but not to this extent), then yesterday I realised it is not just my tooth, but my jaw and ear too… reminding me of when I had shingles last July. I know shingles can occur because of autoimmune reasons so I told my BF that we should call the doctor not the dentist by the end of the week if the pain persists.
Curious about shingles and MS, and toothache/face pain and MS I googled it (good ole google) and apparently my symptoms match Trigeminal Neuralgia, which affect 4% of MS patients and is one of the earliest symptoms of MS… So, this could possibly be the first definite indication of the disease.
Don’t worry, I am not being a hypochondriac or jumping to conclusions, but I am glad I researched the pain before going to the dentist. Many people have unnecessary dental treatment (sometimes jaw realignment!) because of this pain and they did not know they had MS. I am lucky enough to know I might have it.
So off to the neurologist I go. Wish me luck!
I try to live my life without regrets, but inevitably we have them.
My main ones are –
- I never learned the piano at 11 years old or younger. My parents could not afford it, but it is still a regret because I turned down a place at a music academy/boarding school because I “Did not want to leave my friends”. I only speak to one of those friends now. Well done Claire.
- I never saw Michael Jackson live.
- When I was 18 I was offered a job in Switzerland but did not take it. In hindsight I should have been selfish and gone.
Those are my main regrets and I have other little ones like… not going with my gut and trusting people then getting burned down the line. Those are niggling little things that I still berate myself for, but really, I need to leave them in the past. I do tend to hold onto things but am so much better now because of my illness I believe.
Ok, so I am not old, not really – 33 is not old! – but it does get more difficult to add new skills as you grow older. Part of the problem is simply not having the time to learn and rehearse and establish the new skill. Then of course this is coupled by how our brains work. In adolescence the plasticity in our brain allows us to create new neural pathways at a faster rate, thus the act of learning is quicker (initially). While it took me a few months to get back into the swing of learning when I started college having left school ten years previously I have certainly discovered that learning new things after university is happening faster than it did beforehand.
For example, I tried to use photoshop ten years ago, and failed miserably. I had more time to learn back then and less going on in my life, but it took too long to make sense to me so I gave up. Having received PS for Christmas and having used GIMP for a year I was determined to not let the same thing happen again, and because of my brain’s active state I believe it came to me more easily.
I am absolutely loving being creative in this way. I never had the patience nor tactile talent for art and was always too clumsy and, quite frankly, rubbish to do crafts and sculpture, so digital art and manipulation has been a bit of a revelation! I have been writing since I was a child and had images in my head that I described and learned to portray with words, but there are some images that needed more than words. Now I am starting to express myself with visual art. It is wonderful to have this pathway open to me as a hobby, and I am so glad I gave PS another go!
Forget “brain training” and pick up a new hobby! That is all your neural pathways need to spark to life and give you another facet to your life. 😀
My latest creation (for my Dragon Age RPG):
So most of us value friendship, right? We like having friends. Friends make life awesome. We have different types of friends though, and these types probably vary from person to person. I tend to be a sometimes elusive, long distance but still there for you friend, a bit rubbish at remembering birthdays but generous and not too selfish. I love travelling to visit people but for some reason people always end up coming to see me! I don’t know why that is. So what other types of friends are there…?
We have all likely had them and most of us have them for most of our lives. I can even list mine!
I still consider them all my Besties but those I am still super close to are Emma, Simon and Lynn. The others I am all in contact with though, so it is all very awesome! These guys are those you can just pick up the phone and continue where you left off, be it days or years since you last saw them or spoke. They are precious and not to be taken for granted, and they know you better than ANYONE. There are no exceptions. They own your soul. 😛
The Fair Weather Friendo
Typically these guys should not be someone you allow to stick around, but I am actually pretty ok with them. Well, as long as they are good people when they are around, of course. I do not expect people to be around when I am having a hard time because honestly, there is not a lot people can do and most folks know that I consider them a little bit in the way. 😛 Only my Besties know me well enough to know when to insert themselves and their aid in my life, so Fair Weather Friends are actually more numerous for me than one might expect.
The Good Once in a While Sort
Similar to the Fair Weather Friendo, but only someone who you might be able to stomach once every few years or so. Those people who are quite funny for the first five minutes before you want to stick an ice pick in your ears and gouge your eyes out with a spork. I have a low tolerance for these guys and feel sorry for them sometimes, because I always give it a go and tell myself they will not annoy me this time, because it’s been years right… so I should have developed an immunity or something. Sometimes I do, but mostly I do not, so my Once in a Whilers are pretty much non existent.
The MeMeMeMeMeMEEE!!! One
Yeah. I don’t do selfish. As soon as this becomes apparent they go from friend to Bye-Bye!
These guys I am friends with because I wanna help them build a backbone, ya know? I love helping the underdog and defending the Doormats from the bullies of this world. It usually gets me into trouble (happens at work too) but I do not care. The Doormats need their Heroes and though it is kinda egotistical and presumptive to think that they need or want help, they are usually too timid to tell me to bugger off. 😛 It’s a catch 22 for them and I do try to not be too overbearing, bossy or controlling with these guys.
The “Anything Goes” Ally
I LOVE these folks. Love them. They are the ones who you are mates with in five seconds and who you like… have a hivemind with. You know the type, the ones totally on your wavelength. Not a Bestie because they are not the kind to get too serious about stuff, but they are open and honest and all about the fun. These guys bring out my positivity and are proactive and I love them to pieces!
The Vacay Buddy
Are you the kind of person to make friends easily? To connect with people quickly. *holds up hand* This is me. I do not know why but people talk to me, and I end up knowing their life story. Haha. I don’t mind, I like listening and asking questions, so inevitably I end up with loads of Vacay Buddies. Great for the plane/train ride and for those times when you are bored in the hotel. Good for a drink and though you swap numbers or emails or whatever you rarely ever see or hear from them again, but that is alright. This is the nature of this kind of friendship. Like a May Fly it only lives for a day.
So, how does one become a Non-Entity? For me it is simple.
- Betray me
- Mock me maliciously
- Hurt someone I care about
Those are the things that get you Frozen Out of my world. And yes, I give the silent treatment. Let the Silence Fall, please. Once you become a Non Entity you do not exist to me. I block your email, number, erase your address, throw away and get rid of anything you gave me or sent me, I literally erase these Wankers from my life. I hold grudges, I admit this, and though they last a lifetime (and yes they do, I simply do not forgive those three things) there are very few Non Entities in my life. Excluding my siblings (my brothers at least), I can count on one hand the people I have genuinely frozen out. In the last year is happened twice and weirdly enough I felt REALLY GOOD about it. It is so cleansing, I highly recommend it. These people do not deserve a thought or forgiveness, they are not worth your time and energy and it took me over 30 years to master it but I feel good about it now and know this is the right course for me.
So to all my buddies, Besties, mates, friendo’s, and amigo’s thank you for being awesome and for being what I need, needed and will need. You are the family I always wanted.